The time I lost a race (twice) and was dethroned as the mile champion in 3rd grade; and Bryan Ramey's account of the emotional resilience required to be a successful stand-up comedian.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
All right. Hey guys, this is Nicholas of "Finding Nicholas." This is the debut episode. I have a special guest today - one of my best friends, Bryan Ramey. He's going to be here to share a couple of words with you about some things he's learned along his life's journey. He's a very funny guy, very charismatic, very genuine, and I'm happy to have him. Go ahead and say a few words. Aye man, I appreciate you for having me here, especially as a debut. This is special. So we gotta do - we gotta do something good man, we're bringing the noise today. Absolutely. And so the premise of this whole show is to kind of share with you some of the things that have forged me, in terms of who I am, like in terms of my character and some of the things I've accomplished - just how I came to be.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
And even still, it's a work in progress. I think everybody's a work in progress. You should always be working towards some better version of you that's happier, fulfilled. So the idea is: I'm going to share a few stories, or one story, per episode, and then my guest will share a story. And we'll just kind of ask some questions back and forth and get kind of into what that issue was, how we overcame it, and then what it looked like on the other side. Sound good? Sounds perfect. All right. All right. All right. Here we go.
New Speaker (01:19):
I think the first story I'm going to share is that I remember when I was in third grade and I was one of the fastest kids in school, and we had to run the mile, right? And at the time, you know, I didn't know what a good mile time was.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
I just know I wanted - I knew I wanted to beat everybody. And so I think I ran my mile in like 9:01, which is maybe pretty good, I think for like an eight year old, right? And so all year long, like I never lost a mile. And you know, people started to like me because of that. And I think I fed off that, actually. I think I loved, people patting me on the back and just, I kind of - I kind of found value in people finding value in me. And so I remember the next year, uh, fourth grade, um, this new kid came to school. His name was Timothy - Timothy something. So if you're listening to this, Timothy, uh, just know I hate you, or maybe the third grade, fourth grade me, hated you. Um, but we had to run the mile.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
And I mean, I ran that thing as hard as I could, and I got scared out of my mind because he was ahead of me and I lost that race. I swear to God I did. And at the end of that race, every kid in school was like, "Oh, Nick lost. Oh, I can't believe this." And I was kinda, like, knocked off this pedestal, right? I was like, King of the kingdom...and then I was dethroned, and I didn't really know how to handle that. And so my typical way that's me, I got like super mad, you know, and I was like, "I swear to God," like revenge, and everything like that...because I think that's kind of who I am in some regards - like, I hate to feel smaller or inferior to people. And so, um, I think a couple months later we had to run the mile again, and I had been training, right?
Speaker 1 (03:07):
I had been running around my neighborhood, riding my bike, doing calisthenics, like, anything I could think of - even at like fourth grade to, uh, to beat this guy. And we ran it again, and I lost...again. I finished second behind him again. And in everybody's mind that kind of solidified it, you know, where it
was like, okay, it wasn't a fluke - like he's just better than you. And I think that was like a realization, like, it opened my mind to like, wow, like there are people out here who are better than me - faster, stronger, smarter, whatever. And so that's kind of the story there. But in terms of how I grew from that, I think I actually went into a dark place first and I - I wanted to, like, I was cursing all the time, I was flipping desks, I was in the principal's office maybe 40 times that year.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
And a lot of it - the girls that I liked back then stopped liking me. And so I just saw this big fallout. And I think what I learned also is that people value successful people, high achievers. I think people flock to winners. I don't think that's surprising to many people, but I think we want to surround ourselves around the extraordinary, kind of so to speak, "hitch our wagon to a star." But I took it hard. I took it personally. I saw me losing this race as me being worth less, and it shouldn't have been that way. And so I kind of let that get to me, and I kind of spiraled into like this, uh - what do you call it - this realm of being unpopular; and nobody liked me. And I kinda just had these negative thoughts and I would like say these negative things about myself.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
But eventually I came out of it, and it was like my next door neighbor Ryan told me, "[I] had to stop saying bad things about myself." And he just would always get on me about that. And so the way I fixed that was I just started saying positive things. You know, instead of saying, "Oh, you're a loser or you're so slow," I was just like, like Kanye style. Like, just, "Oh man, you're awesome. You're like the best person ever." And then people thought I had an ego, right? It was like egocentric - egotistical. But it actually worked for me because your words and your thoughts and your actions have to align, and when you're out of alignment, like, your soul is off, you know what I mean?
New Speaker (05:31):
And so I think what I've learned from that is that I am not my production, right? Like, no matter how much I accomplish or things I might do in a particular area - in terms of sports or motivational speaking even, or even with this podcast - no matter the result, I am not the result. You know? And it's hard for us sometimes to separate ourselves from what we do, particularly as men.
New Speaker (05:59):
You know, I think men are often viewed as being only as valuable as what they can produce - you know, if he can provide for the family or, you know, he's - he's not like the alpha male type or something like that, then he doesn't really have a place in society.
New Speaker (06:15):
People want to see results. They can't see your results? You're a nobody. Y.
New Speaker (06:22): Yeah, yeah, for sure.
New Speaker (06:23): Like, a true nobody.
New Speaker (06:25):
I mean, have you ever been in a position where you maybe felt like that - where, just, people saw you
as, whatever it is you were trying to achieve? Like, the end goal?
Speaker 3 (06:37):
Yeah, I have. I mean I had, I had situations where like I think my biggest challenge was when I first stepped into comedy. That was like the - something that was a habit - I mean, not a habit but a hobby. But then when you, when you actually introduced it to me - the whole thing about being like, just doing stand up, just try it out or I go to an open mic and do it - I'm like, man, I ain't that funny. He said, "Well, you could work on it, type thing"
New Speaker (07:10): Yeah.
New Speaker (07:10):
But when I stepped into the realm of the comedians, I didn't know what I was getting into.
New Speaker (07:18):
How long ago was that? When did you get started?
New Speaker (07:20):
Three years ago. It's about three and a half years ago, is when I jumped into it. And at the beginning, when you step on that stage and you hear, or you say a joke or two or three or four - however many, cause they'll give you three minutes or five minutes - you get that laughter and that energy from the people. It's like when you're done and you hear people applaud you all the time, that's a high that you're always trying to chase. Like you're always trying to chase that, cause that makes you feel so good.
New Speaker (07:54): Right.
New Speaker (07:55):
But the problem with that is you're not going to get it [that type of applause] every day or every time you perform. You can have the best jokes there is, that you wrote for yourself, but some people legit didn't come to hear you make up some stuff; or they didn't come to see you, they wanted to see - I don't know, Chris Tucker's in town and he's performing. "Get off the stage, I don't want to see you. Bring Chris Tucker on stage." It's that you run into stuff like that.
New Speaker (08:29):
But the one thing I think I learned was I couldn't cater to people...because when I used to write jokes, it was like, what people think - Oh man, I know this would be funny to them. I know, I know they'll like this, oooh if I say it this way or they going to get it - this is what they like. It went from - I went from that, to, the more I kept doing it, to like, it's not what everybody else thinks. What do I think is funny? If they don't laugh, cool. They don't get my humor. Well, this joke ain't for you. But I might say something like, unhh, they may not get this, but all of a sudden that might be the big joke to everybody.
New Speaker (09:13):
Okay, so did you ever like take it harder? Just what was that learning curve like, to say, for example, where you went into it, you prepared for it, you told your jokes and you really thought you were hitting it - like you were, you thought you were like killing it...but you just weren't getting the laughs you thought. Like, what is that like?
New Speaker (09:31):
And that's like the worst feeling in the world. When I tell you when you step on the stage and you say something that you know, in your mind, is funny and you actually - when you get to the punch line - you look at people like boom! There's the joke. Laugh! And you don't get it back? It's like, "Oh, shoot. Like, what do I do? " You - some people ball up. I watched a guy cry.
New Speaker (09:59): Wow. Really?
New Speaker (10:00):
On stage. The guy got on stage, they introduced him. He said, "Hey, how y'all doing?" Everybody was like, "Aww, hey, woohoo - makes some noise!" They were like, "all right, cool," and then he goes into the joke: "What do you feel about Trump?" Then all of a sudden somebody says, "How you feel about those shorts you got on?" And that was it. He couldn't - he didn't have a comeback for it. He couldn't even get into his, his routine. He just said, he just looked, while people were laughing when that was said and just said, "I shouldn't have did this." Started crying and walked off stage.
New Speaker (10:34): Wow.
New Speaker (10:34):
He was on stage for at least 15 or 20 seconds. He was gone...
Speaker 2 (10:42):
But some people can handle it, some people can't. I always say, "You got to know yourself before you do things like that." Just be prepared for whatever, because I know I was there. I dealt with saying a joke, nobody laughed. Saying another joke, nobody laughs. And it was stuff I'd written, to where I got so frustrated, when I set my next one, that I didn't even say anything I wrote. I naturally said what I felt, and when I said what I felt, it came off funny to everybody - and you get that laug,h and then people'll talk and then you're responding,and then you're showing your true self. It's nothing you made up, and people feed off your energy and they know it's coming from somewhere.
New Speaker (11:20):
Okay. So - no, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you. I just kind of wanted you to add on to that. So like when you started, obviously, learning and find your way in that, um, tell us, like, how you prepare now. Like you - like you said, you started to just do your own thing, you know, follow your natural rhythm. Is that a part of your process now?
New Speaker (11:39):
Yeah. It's about having more self-awareness, myself. So it's always been like "How do I feel about what I did?" And that's how I go about it. And it's been about, it's been more of like, okay, it's funny on paper, but how confident are you as a human being, like, saying these words.
New Speaker (11:59):
Like, I think what we spoke about off of camera. It's about - you could smile and say, "Hey, how you
doing?" But people hear your words, but the energy you giving off doesn't match what you said.
New Speaker (12:14): Yeah.
New Speaker (12:15):
So it's like - and people feel that. So it's almost like you got to sell it, sell it to them.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
So when I, I got into the groove of being like, "Okay, I'm sure of this. Bryan, how you feel today?" You get on stage chin up, head high, you look at everybody and you step to the edge of the stage and you greet everybody. And they look like, "Man, he looks like...he's just, as confident as anybody." You feel like Mufasa on stage and people are like, "Okay," They'll sit back, like, "Go ahead." And you say what you got to say and everybody feeds off your energy. Cause if you give them energy they're going to give it back to you. So it's -
New Speaker (12:55): I like that.
New Speaker (12:56):
That's how I work with it. It's self-confidence. Forget what anybody else says. [It's] How you feel, and
bring it.
New Speaker (13:05):
Okay. For sure. I mean, um, I think definitely confidence is just a huge piece to everything that you do. You know what I mean? Um, I think an example in my story - I lost confidence, you know. I think my mental fortitude -
New Speaker (13:23):
But I don't think you did. I don't think you did. You may have lost, but you got to understand you were practicing - you were training like an Olympian, at eight years old. At eight! Who is that competitive at eight, doing what he was doing. Bicycle, he was doing cycling in his neighborhood. He's probably climbing monkey bars on the regular, drinking apple juice and water on his lunches and everything.
New Speaker (13:50): You know it! Gushers.
New Speaker (13:51):
Man, eating Starbursts and uh, Laffy taffy.
New Speaker (13:56): That sugar rush!
New Speaker (13:57):
Trying to get a sugar rush, just so he could have a little more energy than the next man. And then you
had your black Panther moment.
New Speaker (14:05):
No, I think, yeah, I guess it's about perspective, right? And I think, yeah, I definitely - on one angle was really determined. Um, and I think that's important. Like resilience, like how you bounce back from - I won't say failures, but disappointments. I think our disappointments are kind of rooted in, um, expectations.
New Speaker (14:28):
And disappointments ain't nothing but lessons. And then I would say the beauty of it - the beauty of a mistake today is the fact that you can make it up by getting it right tomorrow. If you're able to see the next day, like, - life is set up to where you can always get a do-over. If you messed up today, don't worry about it tomorrow. You can make it back up. Or you messed up with this girl, in this relationship, but then with this situation that will happen between you guys, you break up, meet another girl, have that same situation come up like, "Oh shoot, this is a replay, just a different actress in front of me.
New Speaker (15:11): Right.
New Speaker (15:11):
How do - am I going to go about it this go-round.
New Speaker (15:14): It's tough.
New Speaker (15:15):
So that's the dope - that's the dopest thing about life, if you look at it that way. Like, "I messed up today,
but I'll bring it back tomorrow. I'll bounce back tomorrow."
New Speaker (15:22):
So what would you tell someone who is struggling with just, finding that grit to keep showing up. You know, you - you, you got lumped on the chin and then, you know, they may say they got cut from the team and now they're wondering, you know, "how can I come back?" You know, "Should I come back to day two of tryouts? Should I study for the next test since I failed the first one? Is there even a point?" You know, how do you - how do you coach someone into being persistent and having some follow- through?
Speaker 2 (15:55):
Uh, shoot. The best - best advice I can give them is to do it. Because do it again and again and again...but learn from - learn from what you did wrong. Once you've learned from what you did wrong, you're going to be better than you was the last time. And the fact is, everybody loves a comeback story.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
Do you think like repetition takes some of the sting out of - I wanna say, again...I don't want, I don't want to keep using the word failure - but I definitely want to highlight that, you know, like, everybody's gone through embarrassing moments. You know, from an early age to now, you know. And I think the odd thing about it, and - and ironic thing about it - is that no matter how many times you've been embarrassed, it, it still feels fresh. Like, even if I get embarrassed like tomorrow, it's almost like I've never been embarrassed before in my life, even though there've been numerous experiences.
New Speaker (16:48): Numerous times. Yeah.
New Speaker (16:48):
Um, but I kind of wonder, does repetition take the sting out of it? Like, "Oh, I failed this time and I failed this time and I failed this time." Does it ever, do you think, get to a point - especially in what you do as a comedian...where it's just like...you don't even feel it anymore?
New Speaker (17:03):
Like, you got to be around the right people too.
New Speaker (17:05): What do you mean?
New Speaker (17:06):
Like, like in comedy you have a bad night? You can be around - you can get off stage, sit around by yourself and then somebody come up to you - or you can talk about it the next day to somebody (another comedian) and they'll sit there and tell you, "Hey man, everybody done bombed before. But here's the funny thing about you, you the only one that remembers your bomb. We all forget it and keep moving forward." It's don't look behind. Look, ahead. So that's - I don't know, that's always been said to me; and I'm like, at first I was like, "Shut up. I don't - I don't want to hear that!" It took - it took a minute. And then I understood...because you don't understand it. Sometimes you don't understand it today, but you'll understand it in the long haul, if you really are trying to get better. Cause some people practice, "Well, I practice every day." "But what do you practice on?" "I just practice." Well, how are you getting better if you don't know what you're practicing on?
New Speaker (18:00):
"Okay, that's a good point. Not just practicing but being specific and intentional about your practice.
New Speaker (18:07):
Yeah. Like homing in on the craft, working on the details - like you're so busy. "Well, I play basketball. I mean, I know how to shoot the ball. I know how to dribble. I know how to - I know how to play defense." I'm like, "Okay, you know how to do this, but what about the other little things? How about
your vocals? Like, being vocal. What about making a smart move? A smart play? What about the tangibles? The energy. The fierceness. Like, yeah, I got offense, but once - when I got bumped in the hole, I didn't come in the hole no more, but I was still making my jump shots. No, you keep going at him. Just show him that -, that's not gonna stop you. You thought, yeah, he bumped me one time. I'll keep coming at you until you stop.
Speaker 3 (18:54):
I dig that! I dig that!
New Speaker (18:58): People don't get that.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
But you always gotta have the right person in your corner - not person - yeah, person or people. But yeah, people can give you advice. People can give you advice all day, but don't mean nothing if you don't believe in it. It starts with you before it - before them. They see it, but do you see it?
New Speaker (19:21):
And it's really cliche, isn't it? You know that...you gotta believe in yourself. You gotta see it in you before anybody else can see it in you. Um, but I do think there's a lot of truth to that, you know. Um, as we kind of bring things to a close, you know, I'm just going to give like an overview of - kind of what I learned, and in my ordeal, and then you can share yours, you know, or you can go first. It's - whatever you like.
New Speaker (19:49):
Man, this your show, man. Go 'head! I'm just here.
New Speaker (19:50):
I appreciate that. Um, yeah, you know, me losing that race, I think deep down I needed that, uh, just to foster that hunger. You know, like if I hadn't lost, I would have still thought maybe I was like the best on the planet at some point. You know, just let my ego drive me into this whole other plane. But that, that loss -and the fact that , I lost twice - um, I came back the first time with like, a lot of heart, a lot of determination; and the second time I lost, I think I was kind of hopeless, honestly. Uh, you know, and it took me a while to get back on my feet. Um, I hadn't really given up totally. Um, I might've given up on running - partially - but it took something outside of that experience. You know, my buddy Ryan, you know, telling me to - to align my words with my thoughts and my actions...to get me in sync with who I was trying to be. And I thought I was a winner - like I really did. You know, it - that's why it hurt when I lost, because I thought I was better than this. And I thought, you know, what I saw was that if I can get on my own team, right? Cause I was going against myself, you know, I was calling myself a loser. I said I sucked and all that. Um, but when I, you know, what did Katt Williams say, "You gotta be your biggest fan."
New Speaker (21:09):
You gotta be your biggest fan.
New Speaker (21:09):
You know, I had to, I had to be my biggest fan.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
You know, the craziest thing about that is that, you were so caught up on him, that you forgot the fact
that you were whooping everybody else's tail when you ran.
New Speaker (21:20): That's a good point.
New Speaker (21:22):
So you were so honed in on him, and the funny thing that they were laughing at you, with the problem
is, they can't beat you.
New Speaker (21:29):
That's so true. I didn't even think about that. Honestly. Paradigm shift.
New Speaker (21:30):
It's like, it's like - Yeah. It's like, it's like if Lebron was trying to chase Jordan. Like, "Dang, I ain't never going to be better than Jordan." He keeps forgetting he's killing everybody else in the league. But you just, you just aim it on somebody you'll never play against because he's, he's retired, he's done, he's in a whole different era. But you are forgetting about the guy that you're currently playing against now -
New Speaker (21:57): And dominate.
New Speaker (21:57):
You dominate them. You are good. You are great now.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
And man, again, perspective is so important because The Last Dance, by the way -
New Speaker (22:09): It's the truth.
New Speaker (22:09):
- Is running right now. They just aired episodes five and six last night. Um, I'm, I'm loving that right now.
Um, but let's, let's steer this right back into you taking over the comedy scene. Um, tell us what's next.
New Speaker (22:29):
What's next for me? Well, quarantining right now. That's about the only thing that I can do now...is quarantine. But, uh, well when, when all this gets better - hopefully it gets better and we're functioning the way that we normally would. Hopefully we do. Um, it's been more of just making sure I'm out here. It's out here performing, homing in on certain things, perfecting things, networking and doing more, uh, doing more adting. Writing, writing scripts. Okay. It's like the time to write scripts and come up with my
own short film. Um, and podcasting. Absolutely. Get a podcast going on. We need, we need that. It ain't gotta be about comedy, it could just be about the variety of things. Yo - I should call it Fly Thought...
New Speaker (23:25):
You heard it here first folks...
New Speaker (23:27):
Fly Thought. You're able to - you're able to just bring people in from all walks of life and y'all just talk about it and whatever. And me, I'm a traveler, so you know - give you the visual of the cities I'm at; and we're having a podcast in that city. So you get a quick little mini tour of that.
New Speaker (23:45):
Wait, wait, folks. I had an idea...because I do know he is an experienced world travele.r And what I heard
in there was that this episode needs a part two. Yep, continue.
New Speaker (23:57):
Yeah, there are, yes. He'll be my first guest. I appreciate that. And we'll do that. And uh, shoot, just be true to ourselves when we do it. That's all. It's always just being, being yourself, not trying to be like nobody else.
New Speaker (24:13):
And folks, you heard it here first on the debut episode again, of Finding Nicholas. Uh, again, we thank
Bryan Ramey so much -
New Speaker (24:22): Preciate yall.
New Speaker (24:22):
- for being here. He is an up and coming comedian here in the city of Atlanta. And as you heard, he will be coming at you live, uh, right after quarantine lifts and locked down. I think it's officially lifted here, uh, in Georgia. But um, you know, most restaurants still aren't open. The malls are open, people are buying J's - probably getting, you know, Corona in the line -
New Speaker (24:46): Getting sick,. Instant cough.
New Speaker (24:51):
Um, but hopefully that's not the case. Hopefully, you know, everybody's taking those, those, uh, measured precautions. Um, but again, thank you for being here, and we're going to close this out with find yourself, be true to yourself, align your thoughts, your words, and your actions. And don't be afraid to get hit in the mouth and keep getting back up.
New Speaker (25:13):
Yeah, and another thing. Don't let nobody tell you that you ain't nothing. That's my job. So know, that, okay.
New Speaker (25:25):
And on that note, we are outta here.